


The Princess Bride

by Queen_Valkyrie



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Fjorester, Inspired by Princess Bride, i saw this on tumblr and it took me forever to write but here it is, yes it will be fjorester centered, yes there will be a little beauyasha for us lesbians
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27536350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Valkyrie/pseuds/Queen_Valkyrie
Summary: "My mom used to tell me this story when I was sick, and her mom used to tell it to her. And today, Luc, I'm going to tell it to you.""Has it got any cool stuff in it?""Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love. Miracles.""It doesn't sound too bad. I'll try and stay awake.""Oh. Well, thank you very much. Very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming."
Relationships: Fjord/Jester Lavorre
Comments: 7
Kudos: 25





	The Princess Bride

**Author's Note:**

  * For [justalittlebluetiefling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justalittlebluetiefling/gifts).



> It has been AGES since I saw @justalittlebluetiefling's post on tumblr about this potential story. But. It is finally here. I have posted the first chapter. I am not the world's fastest writer, so please have patience with me, but I do hope and plan to finish this story! Also, although it will be based more heavily on the book than on the movie, I still want it to be its own thing, so please don't be surprised to find some divergence from the original story. The Princess Bride is my favorite book and also my favorite movie, and I love Fjorester so much, so I really hope I do you guys proud. Please comment if you are enjoying it so far!

When Jester was born, the most beautiful woman in the world was her mother. Often called “The Ruby of the Sea” for her radiant red hair, Marion Lavorre was a courtesan of much fame with a voice of much acclaim, and she was the envy and jewel of the Menagerie Coast. But her greatest love had left her behind, and in her sorrow, she turned away from the world. Her despair grew as the months and years passed, and before long her title was claimed by another woman who desired more for it. Marion cared little, she was a woman of wealth and affluence and she had a daughter who she loved more than the world itself. Though her beauty served her well, she knew it was neither her only strength nor her greatest one, and so she continued on with her life with little thought spared.

When Jester was five years old, the most beautiful woman in the world was Lady Delilah Briarwood. A noblewoman of power and influence, Delilah wore her title like jewels and cherished it dearly. But when her beloved husband fell ill with a disease no miracle man could cure, Delilah left to scour the earth for something that could save her lover’s life. She found a cure, eventually, but when she returned to administer it, the disease had already claimed her husband’s life. Her searching was for nought. Grief and rage overtook her, and Delilah’s life and beauty crumbled to dust in her hands.

When Jester was thirteen, the most beautiful woman in the world was Vex’ahlia de Rolo. Once an adventurer and a hero of her realm, she had since settled down and become a lady of a great city. She raised many children and was a great diplomat, though she never truly set down her bow for good.

Jester, of course, didn’t care who was the most beautiful woman in the world. Although she staunchly held the belief it would always and forever be her mama, she had other thoughts to occupy her time. She was busy causing chaos around her home city of Nicodranas; defacing temples, disorganizing libraries, confusing the citizens into following a fake religion. Most of all, though, she loved tormenting the Sailor Boy.

His name was Fjord, but she liked to call him Sailor Boy, and liked to wonder when he would correct her. He never did. He worked on a ship called the Tide’s Breath that made its regular port in Nicodranas. He made regular deliveries to the Lavish Chateau, and Jester delighted in ordering him about, making him run pointless errands, and seeing how much she could embarrass him. He didn’t speak much, just nodded and met her eyes briefly before looking away, and Jester often found herself fidgeting in anticipation of the day she could make a crack in that quiet facade. What mundane task would he finally refuse to do? What innuendo could she make that would make him respond in a way other than blushing? When would he look her decidedly in the eyes and say something, anything, other than “as you wish”?

That was what perhaps pestered Jester the most. “As you wish.” Did Sailor Boy even know any words other than those three? Maybe, she justified to herself, he was just stupid. Maybe he couldn’t speak? But no, she had seen him and his shipmates speaking to each other while working on the docks, and his eyes were sharp and clever. It could be that he didn’t speak much Common. She hadn’t heard them speaking, only seen it, maybe he was foreign and mysterious and knew only Zemnian.

She pondered the possibilities as she wandered down to the docks, hoping to find some gullible sailors there she could prank, or some ship’s names she could paint over and alter so as to make innuendos out of them. The coastal air blew her hair behind her as she skipped down the cobblestone streets. Warm golden sun beat down, deepening the freckles dotting her skin and highlighting the dark, almost-blue tone of her short black hair. As she reached the docks, she could feel her already-high spirits lifting as she saw the Tide’s Breath anchored at port. That meant Sailor Boy was in town, good, she could make him run to one of the far districts to pick up, oh, food for her weasel or something. Never mind that she didn’t have a weasel, he would nod gently and say “As you wish” anyway, like he always did. She quickly ran down to the dock and to the side of the ship, where the grizzled old captain was upon the dock, barking orders.

“Captain Vandran!” She called, waving and grinning, and the bearded man looked away from his sailors to meet her eye.

“Mornin’, Miss Lavorre,” he said in his drawling voice, “how’s this fine day treating you?”

“Just wonderful, thank you! Is Sailor Boy there on the ship?”

“Already in town, I’m afraid. I think he was on his way towards your mother’s place.”

A giddy feeling rose up in her chest. “Thank you, Captain!”

With his words still fresh in her mind, she took back off running towards the Lavish Chateau, hoping to catch Fjord before he took off again. When she finally made her way back to the building, she almost ran past the side alley that led to the delivery door, and past the two figures that stood there against the side of the Chateau. But her feet skidded to a stop before her brain did, and after a moment she noticed a young man leaning against the wall, loose white shirt rolled up to his elbows, a bright white smile sneaking across his face.

It was her Sailor Boy, holding a large wooden crate in his arms, smiling and speaking quietly with one of the young women who worked for her mama. One of the beautiful women who worked for her mama. One of the young, beautiful women whose jobs were to chat up young men like him and keep them company for the night and be visited whenever he came into port and dreamed about during lonely nights at sea and gazed at like treasures, like Rubies--

Jester must have accidentally let out some noise of protest, because the both of them turned their gazes to look at her, and her Sailor Boy lifted one hand from the box in a small wave, his bright smile widening. And she, without a second thought, rushed to the front door of the Chateau, tearing it open and running inside. She ignored Bluud’s call of greeting and rushed up the stairs to her bedroom, slamming the door and flopping down on her bed with little care or decorum.

Her chest was tightening, she could feel it, but not in the light, happy way it usually did when Sailor Boy was in town. It was hot and heavy and she could feel tears stinging at the corners of her eyes. With an angry hand, she wiped them away, and as she stared at the water slowly sinking into her skin, furious confusion cut through her. Crying? Why on earth was she crying? It was just Fjord, just Sailor Boy, he was just an acquaintance, barely that. She liked to torment him, sure, but he was not _hers_ , he could talk to whatever pretty girls he liked, she certainly didn’t care for him _like that_ , he was--

_If he is nothing to you_ , a voice that sounded suspiciously like her mama’s whispered in her mind, _why do you feel such jealousy?_ Jester wanted to scoff. Jealousy? That was a stupid idea. It wasn’t as if she had any feelings for Sailor Boy. Sure, he was handsome, but plenty of young men were handsome and she had never felt anything for them. Sure, he was muscular, but she had admired many strong men and never had such a feeling bloomed in her chest before. Sure, she loved to watch the blush creep across his olive skin whenever she made an innuendo at him, but she loved to embarrass everyone, not just him. And sure, he had lovely green eyes like the sea after a storm, but--

But nothing. Dread coiled in her gut as she realized she didn’t have a rebuttal. Fjord had lovely green eyes like the sea after a storm. Lovely green eyes that were quick and clever, lovely green eyes that could never seem to hold hers for too long, lovely green eyes that crinkled at the sides whenever she skipped up to pester him with another outlandish request.

“Oh, no,” she whispered to herself, “I’m in love with Fjord.”

What was she to do? She was in love with Fjord, and he was just outside flirting with a beautiful girl who worked for her mama, and she wanted to scream and cry out in anger and go snatch him from that girl and stay in this room forever and weep and feel nothing and do all of it at once. Or, at least, she wanted to do all of that until a knock at her door interrupted her thoughts.

She didn’t move for a moment, hoping Bluud or whoever it was would go away, but the knock cut through the air again, a little harder, and a voice called out “Jester?”

Taking another moment before dragging herself off her bed, Jester yanked the door open, looking up to tell Bluud to go away, she was having a crisis here, only to be greeted instead with Fjord and his olive skin and his furrowed, worried eyebrows.

“Jester, are you alright?”

He had spoken to her. He had said something other than “as you wish,” and his voice was deep and elegant and full of concern.

“I’m sorry if I’m invading your space, it’s just that you seemed a little distraught, and your mother’s bodyguard, I think, said you came up here in a rush, and I wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

Was her jaw touching the floor? She was sure it must be. He was _speaking_ to her. At length. Eloquently. Was this Fjord? Had he been replaced with a magic shape-changer who knew Common?

“Jester?”

“You can speak,” she uttered, and he barked out a gentle laugh.

“Yes.”

“Well, it’s just… You never do.”

“I-”

“Not to me at least.”

“I’m… sorry.”

“No, it’s-” she paused, unsure of what to say. “It’s okay. I thought maybe you were a mysterious stranger who spoke only Zemnian or something.”

He laughed again at that, and his lovely green eyes again darted to the floor. “No, I’m just a boring, everyday sailor. No mystery here.”

“You’re not boring.”

His gaze returned to hers, green eyes holding blue for what felt, to Jester at least, for an age. “I don’t know that girl.”

An embarrassed laugh bubbled up in her throat. “What?”

“The girl that was talking to me outside, I don’t know her, she just stopped to ask if a friend of hers was still working on the Tide’s Breath.”

“Oh.” Her chest bloomed with relief. “Okay.”

He was quiet for a long moment before his eyes fell again to the floor. “I don’t know why I told you that, you probably don’t-”

“Fjord.”

His lovely green eyes flashed back up to meet hers.

“Kiss me.”

Fjord’s face broke into a wide smile. “As you wish.”

* * *

“Mom.”

“Yeah?”

“Is this a kissing story?”

“What?”

Luc scrunches up his little face and folds his arms. “The fencing and revenge stuff you mentioned sounds cool, but all the kissing is gross.”

“Are you kidding? The romance is the best part!”

“It’s gross, Mom.”

Her eyes rolling, Veth turns to look at her husband. “Can you believe this?”

“Might have to just skip it this time, honey.”

“Okay, okay, okay. Skipping past the kissing part. Where were we?”

* * *

It was that day that Jester learned, whenever Fjord was saying “as you wish,” what he really meant was, “I love you.” While his ship remained at port, they spent their days together in happiness, and Jester’s heart bloomed every time she saw the Tide’s Breath return to Nicodranas, for she knew that on it would be waiting her Sailor Boy, aching to hold her again in his arms.

But one night, as Fjord lay next to her, he spoke words that she would continue to replay in her mind for years to come.

“I need to make my fortune,” he whispered, and Jester turned her eyes upon his handsome face.

“What do you mean?”

“Jester, I love you, and I want to spend every day of my life with you. But I’m a poor sailor. You deserve a better life than I can give you.”

“What does _that_ mean?”

“It means… Vandran has been telling me about all the opportunities for men like us over in Tal’Dorei. I can get money, give you a better life than I would be able to now. Give you, well-” he motioned to the canopy draping across her bed, the lavish decorations furnishing her suite. “This.”

“Fjord,” she urged, “you don’t need to provide anything. You don’t need to _earn_ my love. You already have it.”

“I know I do, but… I want to feel like I deserve you, Jester.”

“You _do_.”

“I don’t. But I can, it’ll just take me awhile. Maybe a few years? And I’ll write to you constantly, I promise.”

“What if something happens? Those seas are dangerous. I can’t lose you, Fjord.”

“You won’t,” he insisted, cradling her face in his callused hands. “I swear. This is true love. Do you think this happens every day?”

True to his word, Fjord went off not long after to seek his fortune, and true to his word, every week Jester received a letter from him. They were sometimes long and sometimes brief, sometimes he waxed poetic about how he saw her eyes in the blue of the sky, sometimes his words seemed to ache with tiredness. And every letter he ended by telling her he loved her.

“The work on the ship is hard and the days are long and the skin on my fingers splits and I love you.” “The ocean is endless and beautiful and I love you.” “A storm nearly overturned the ship last night but I am alive and I love you.”

And then one day, her mama knocked on her door, and when Jester opened it, the look on her mama’s face was wrought with grief.

“My dear Jester,” she whispered, bringing her daughter into a tight hug. “I am so, so sorry.”

“What?” Jester could feel her heart already sinking in her chest.

“I just received news. Fjord’s ship was attacked.”

Jester shoved her mama away from her chest, looking in her eyes for any glimpse of deceit. “ _What?_ ”

“By the Dread Pirate Uk’otoa.”

“No. _No,_ Mama, tell me you’re lying.”

“I wish I were, my darling girl.”

“Maybe-” Jester scrambled for excuses- “Maybe he got out. Maybe Uk’otoa took him for a prisoner.”

Her mama said nothing, just held her despairing gaze, for both of them knew that the Dread Pirate Uk’otoa never took prisoners. And so Jester flung herself back into her mama’s arms, weeping loudly, and there she stayed until her eyes could make no more tears, and then she went into her room and locked the door. There she stayed for three days, saying nothing, eating nothing, never once leaving.

When she emerged, she was a trifle older, a league wiser, and an ocean sadder. The world had broken her heart, and she would never let it again. She was the most beautiful woman in the world. She didn’t care.


End file.
